Hello Dream Box! 
     How have you been? I feel like we haven't been talking very much recently - okay... I know we haven't been talking recently given that this is a one sided relationship and I haven't been giving much to you to work off of... And I apologize for that. But you know what I realized? Even when I have been talking to you, everything I say seems to be a rant that is completely meaningless. And I apologize for that too. What happened to the good ol' days when I wrote blogs like The Magic Mayo? Or Summer at its closing point? Or Amazing England? Those posts really meant something, those had passion and were a joy to read [in my personal opinion as I look back at all the memories.] 
     What happened to the blogs that had meaning? What happened to the blog posts that I was proud to share with the world because I worked hard on them and I cared about what I was talking about. Now, of course those are all questions for myself, but I felt like they had to be shared. Maybe y'all have not noticed, but I am sure that you all have. Anyways, because of this realization, I've decided to come back to my senses and talk to you just one on one. I've missed you, Dream Box, I really have. So here goes nothing:

Dear Dream Box,
     I am sorry for all of the days I've missed, the blog posts I deleted, the meaningless blogs that I left up... Everything. But I cannot truly be sorry for all of that, because a lot of it I am proud of. Hell, I'm proud of myself for even making this blog, because two years ago I was a timid girl who wanted to say something but wasn't sure how to. And you know what? I figured out a way. My way to put myself out there and have a voice was through you, Dream Box. And I love you for it. So although I ignore you for weeks, abuse you sometimes, and use you for a lot of the wrong reasons, I love you. You're where I can go for anything, and I know that. And to be perfectly honest, there's a lot I haven't told you, and I probably haven't been completely honest with you but it's just because I don't want to have certain information on the internet for all to see.
     But, just to let you know, recently things have been a bit crazy. Now, you may be asking: Crazy good or crazy bad? Well, crazy amazing. I don't even know what to say about the past month-or-so, but it has been an amazingly wild ride. I've got to tell you, Dream Box, there is never a dull moment and I am perfectly okay with that. You see, I've been trying to write this blog post since December 25th, and right now it's January 8th, and I really hope this is going to go up tonight, but if it doesn't that only means that I am - once again - lost for words. 
     I can't help but smile when I look past at the past few months. So much has happened, in such little time. One moment I'm Skyping my friend Tessa and talking about boys, and another moment I'm off playing guitar until my fingers hurt. Next I'll be at my volunteer job, helping girls with gymnastics who need it and hanging out with my friends, and then a second later I'm talking the most amazing guy on the planet who makes me the happiest girl in the world. I guess I can honestly tell you that when I wished at 11:11, my wish came true. And the few things I wished for for Christmas, came. And that's all that I could possibly ask for.
      But now, it's now March 25th, and I cannot stop smiling as I reread this. So much has changed, and I know -- like I thought on January 8th, so much will has has changed in so little time. What happens next, I don't know. But right now. Right here. I know I am happy. And Dream Box, I'd like to tell you a little bit on why. 
      Last Christmas I learned that nothing will just come to you, and that you need to realize that if you really care about something, you need to go to it. People need to stop thinking that things will just fall into their lap without any effort, because that is NOT the case. If you want to reconnect with someone, do it. If you want to be with someone, talk to them. Do NOT just sit around and wish something were happening. 
     Victor Frankl once said, "We need to stop asking questions about what life is and question life as a whole; and realize that it is actually life who is questioning us, monthly, daily, and hourly." I took this quite literally and thought, "If life were to literally approach me, and ask me, what the hell are you doing? Would I be proud of my answer? Would I tell life, Oh, I'm just sitting on my ass, waiting for life to be the way I want it. Or I could tell life, I am being the person I've always wanted to be." I mean, of course, realistically no one will never be exactly who they want to be, but I sure as hell would like to be more like the person I wish to be someday than that teenage girl who sits on her ass and does nothing all day.
      Also, the world will send you curve balls, yes, but that does not mean you need to give up. It does not mean that you have an excuse to fall apart. In fact, when things get harder, you just have to be stronger. And I understand that it sucks to hear that. Every time something happened when I didn't think it could get any worse I did not want to go on, but I'm glad I did. Life is hard, yes. Life is scary, hell yes. But love, in every way, life is worth it. 
      And I know that I am in no way qualified to give any of you -- whoever 'you' are -- advice, but we're all on the same boat, and we all have our ups and downs. And, no, I'm not exactly the person I truly want to be, but sometimes I don't know if really want to be that person anyways. I like who I am, and god, whoever you are, I like you too. It doesn't matter if you can be bigger and better, it just matters what you can do, and that you do it now. Be who you are, take action, take a risk every once in a while for god's sake. Alright, well I really don't know where I'm going with this, so I'm signing off. Just remember what I told you. I love you guys. Have a great day, and stay beautiful.
     Love, 
         Natalie <3

PS. By request, there will be more Dear Alexander letters. Just letting you know :)



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